Look, you have to realise that this isn’t easy. I don’t know you well enough to keep shopping for you like this, your tastes are all so different. This month then, after running myself ragged just trying to please you, I have taken a different road. Said road has led me to the weird and rarely wonderful world of ‘Collectors’. There are some pretty freaky people out there in shopping land and I know what they are buying. The more savory of my search appear below. Is there anything you fancy? If so, they are all available from the collector’s sites listed.

Playskool's Galactic Potato: Spudtrooper
Price: 10 euros
available from: www.shop.starwars.com
 
When they are not attending gatherings of their own kind, Star Wars fans like to shop online for the things that remind them of, well, more of the same. Many of the fans go forth and breed, producing baby fans who need stimulation too. It is with the offspring in mind that those who feed the hunger of the fans came up with this little cutie, SpudTrooper. SpudTroopers have the task of maintaining order in the potato galaxy under the root of all evil, Dart Tater. To that end, SpudTrooper comes with a mask, a potato masher, a set of teeth, a nose, a set of ears and eyes, a potato body, a pair of shoes, and two arms. Sounds like your average three year old if you ask me.

There is such a thing as a dedicated matchbook collector - known as a phillumenist. He apparently recognises three main sizes of collectible, according to the number of matches or strikes inside the book: royal flash/40; aristocrats/30; regular/20. Most sought after are "midget" books holding only eight matches, a cost-cutting measure dating to the Depression of the 30’s. Also much treasured are the so-called odd strikers, where the abrasive strip is in an unorthodox place. Exhilarating. I remember those ‘redhead’ matches when I was a kid in Australia sitting in haystacks. They were fun and I loved the graffic. A little different today though, matchbooks now take ‘commemorative’ to the edge. Take for instance this item:

911 Attack on America
Price: 3 euros for 12 matchbook labels
available from www.orientables.com
 
No matches? This wouldn’t   be any fun   for pyromaniacs. I find the subject matter an odd one for labels, but this is a collector’s site, so anything goes. These matchbox labels were published in China in memory of the 911 disaster in New York. The blurb says that you can see: -World Trade Centre being attacked -Pentagon after the attack -Anthrax scare -US people mourning for those died in the disaster -Bin Laden -Bombing the Taliban. How they put so much onto something so small is beyond me. Like a full body portrait of the Queen and all her relatives on stamps, I just can’t see you will really do credit to the detail.

Marie Osmond Collectable Doll
Adora Belle
Price: 160 euros
available from: www.qvcuk.com
 
Ever wonder what happened to Marie Osmond, the cute little sister of the Osmond Family? Well, she doesn’t seem to have changed a whole great deal; still playing with dolls. Only this time, she is quite the celebrity; in Doll Land, collectors just have to have ‘a Marie’.  At 160 euros for a doll I would be expecting Marie herself. Marie dolls are achingly ‘Little Miss USA ’ looking tots, just dripping with sweetness. This one, comes from the "Adora Belle" series and comes with its own white Annette Funicello (quite big in bears) bear. She wears a pink satin dress with a white lace trim on the underskirt and pink satin shoes with ruffled socks. She has a porcelain head, arms and legs plus a stuffed cloth body. The doll is numbered and hallmarked with Marie Osmond's facsimile signature on the back of her neck. Limited edition of 5000. Included is a doll bracelet. Measures about 41cm (16") when seated.  Must check if there is a Donny range of somethings. 
 
Suzuki Parking Sign
Price: 36 euros
available from: www.gifts-experiences-uk.co.uk
 
This really makes me wonder at just who is buying what. This parking sign is somebody’s idea of incredible; it is certainly a diverse world. This sign is made from heavy gauge metal which wont bend and can be easily screwed into placing for permanent fixing. Essential.  Measures 450 x 300mm, just in case you need to make room for it.