Election  lethargy coupled with indecisiveness in the face of some pretty futile options led me to seek out gadgets that might help. Sadly, political gadgets (is all politics a gadget?) are in short supply; it seems that manufacturers just don’t see voting as fun! I found a couple and then had to abandon the theme to drift into more fertile gadget waters. Happy shopping and here’s to four years of pay back for the votes we cast in the leader’s direction. All this months gadgets can be obtained simply (unlike political sense) from www.iwantoneofthose.com

Blair Cards 11.50 euros

This was the first find in the election theme, Tony Blair immortalised in his own deck of fun cards. See Tony in various outfits and disguises as you wonder at his amazing transformations. Officially, of course, he has never actually posed for any of these pictures and officially, never worn the outfits; but who’s to say for certain? We have seen some interestingly attired politicians in the past, but they were mainly just sad traumatised types dealing with deep personal issues. You can see Tony as Queen Blair, Monkey Blair, Cowgirl Blair (just screams out for a cameo appearance by his bud Bush) and my all time favourite, Pinup Blair. Hours of endless fun to while away the time as UK politics becomes ever more detached from reality.

SAS Survival Handbook 7.50 euros

OK, so this isn’t quite a political gadget, but it may well prove rather vital one day. Politicians can be pretty unpredictable at times and goodness knows where they will take us this time round. So here then is the ultimate in survival necessities, The SAS Survival Handbook.  The author, John 'Lofty' Wiseman served in the SAS for 26 years before penning this invaluable book. It is crammed with everything you need to know about surviving anywhere (except the political arena) be it the wild, extremes of climate, land or sea.  The SAS Survival Handbook is the Special Air Service's complete course in being prepared for any type of emergency; laying out real strategies for surviving in any type of situation, from accidents and escape procedures, including chemical and nuclear, to successfully adapting to various climates (polar, tropical, desert), to identifying edible plants and creating fire. Build a shelter, trap a fish, catch a passing crocodile, find water in the desert, read the stars and even know which wild mushrooms are good to eat and which offer a more interesting trip. I do hope we don?t need this one, but that axis of evil thing does make for some pretty worrying invasion/liberation plans from all sides.

LavNav 29 euros

I don't know what it is about politics that just turns me all cynical? I instantly envisaged that trips to the loo may be more frequent during an election as I tend to get a little nauseous during Party Political Broadcasts (they sound such fun). No more will I be blinded by the bathroom light as I visit the loo. You simply stick the LavNav on the inside of your toilet lid (comes with sticky pads) and whenever you stagger into the bathroom in the dark, the motion sensor fires it up. Such a clever little gizmo. It shines a gentle guiding light and considerately turns off after you leave. It even knows if the seat is up or not - red light for up, green light for down.

Darth Mask with Voice Changer 44 euros
 
Not needed by most politicians Michael Howard seems to have a custom made version of his own! This is the perfect hiding place for people lacking personality; it creates an air of the interesting. Darth Vader was indeed part machine, part man and lends his persona well to the current climate. The Darth Vader helmet is extremely well made and is the first of its kind that has an integrated Voice Changer and sound effects box. A microphone inside the helmet will pick up your voice and 'Darth' it. There are two sound effect buttons as well; one makes great Darth breathing noises and the other emits random Darth quotes from the film. I can just hear Mr. Howard uttering 'You don't know the power of the Dark Side' or Mr. Blair murmuring with a smile 'Don't make me destroy you' or even Mr. Kennedy sounding authoritative with 'The Force is with you'. As to other phrases, 'Your powers are weak' and 'There is no escape , perhaps the Greens and BNP could find some worth? The mask has adjustable straps so it will fit any head (even those oversized political ones).