When I find myself wandering the aisles (virtual or otherwise) and am at a loss for what to buy you, my thoughts often turn to sex and confectionary. Why? Unsure on that one, though I am sure Freud would have the answer if only he was still around. So this month’s delights involve eating and meshing flesh and sometimes at the same time. All our treats are available for quick delivery inside Europe from: www.iwantoneofthose.com Maybe I need to get out more? Maybe my Editor needs to buy me a drink? Maybe I need to put down these chocolate willies and get on with something more productive…

Candy Posing Pouch - €7.00
I will start with the all essential warning to allergy sufferers that these may contain nuts as they may have been made in an environment where nuts where in fact present – though no nuts were deliberately harmed in the making of these Candy Posing Pouches. You may recall a few shopping months back that we found the small but rather divine Candy G-String for the ladies, well it seemed only fair to find a little something matching for the boys. Unsurprised, I find that these are just as popular as the Candy G-String and the (next item) Candy Bra; I put this down to the product placement myself. This edible little number is enhanced by the wearer almost as much as the wearer is in fact enhanced by the pouch – it’s a kind of win-win situation. Although, it is important that we all pay close attention to personal hygiene here! The 330 (I wonder if anyone has ever asked for 340?) fruit-flavoured sweets that make up this bedroom treat are fat-free, so no unsightly bulges will occur as a result of eating them (?). Sadly, should you feel dissatisfied, the pouch is non-returnable.

Candy Bra €7.00
Match your man in this remarkable garment. All the same spec as the pouch but twice the yummy goodness. The perfect accessory to the ever popular Candy G-String; if you still have one, wear the set and fill your man to the top! The packaging states that one bra fits all sizes as the ties are very long and knot easily; you can just nibble off the sweets you don't need. Here are the all important facts - only 40 calories, no fat, no sodium and only 9g of carbs and 9g of sugars. Hmmm, as the majority of the consumers for this item will be men, I doubt those figures mean a thing to you.

Rude After Dinner Chocolates - Nipples €7.00 - Willies €7.00
I feel so juvenile! I was just typing the words ‘nipples’ and ‘willies’, then….oh here I go again. Giggling is now on hold. Willy Wonka would be proud to produce these little sweeties I’m sure and it would certainly have expanded his target market and given ‘Wonka Bars’ a whole new image. Freud would again be handy about now for reading your guests when you hand these out. How do you eat yours? As they are made from dark chocolate and filled suggestively with mint fondant, I gobble them up whole.

Brazilian Knickers - €14.00
with a choice of fun slogans:
Hot Chick
Hot & Single
Millionaire Wanted 
Sex Bomb   

Bridget Jones would have got to the good bit a whole lot quicker with a pair of these on. They're are an excellent gift;  packaged in a cute tin, with a little doll thing on a chain and the best bit of all, these 100% cotton, highly comfortable panties come with cute butt Guarantee! No idea if this covers cellulite or obesity, but it sounds pretty good. I include this one for our gentlemen reader’s viewing pleasure (plus the boys in layout enjoy this sort of thing).

Miss Chief Cookies - Forfeit or Intimate - €7.00
Based on the idea of fortune cookies, these delectable, vegetarian friendly cookies are made from an Italian sugar curl, generously dipped at either end in Valrhona's finest French chocolate; I salivate as I type. I don’t even care about the point of this, I am just eager for the chocolate nestling warmly on my tongue. Contained within each one are three kinds of forfeit; Traditional, Silent and Group. Here's an example forfeit: "MissChief has always enjoyed classic Italian cinema. In honour of this, please seduce the most Italian looking person in the room in the manner of an Italian film star". I think I like the sound of this and my mind is racing. 
There are three different types of MissChief cookies: the 'Hen Night' box, which is packed full of suitably wicked forfeits; the 'Original' box which has a roller-coaster range to get your gatherings going, and the 'Intimate' box which is ideal for couples who do this sort of thing as a couple.

Tina Louise now has a webpage collecting some of her writing view it at www.tinalouise.co.uk