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Here they are, the jokes and remarks that only a Webmaster could love. Follow us as we ream out the inbox on our always active emails.
Two Irish hunters get a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. They bag six.
As Paddy and Mick start loading the plane for the return trip, the Pilot says "The plane can only take four of those."
The two lads object strongly. "Last year we shot six, and the pilot let us put them all on board; he had the same plane as yours."
Reluctantly, the pilot gives in and all six are loaded. However, even with full power, the little plane can't handle the load and down it goes and crashes in the middle of nowhere.
A few moments later, climbing out of the wreckage, Paddy asks Mick, "Any idea where we are?"
"I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year." Says Mick .
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·Why is it called a TV set when there's only one?
·If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
·Can a guy named Nick have a 'nick 'name?
·If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth? (In Spain they don’t).
·If an ambulance is on its way to save someone, and it runs someone over, does it stop to help them?
·Do vampires get AIDS?
·Why do people never say "it's only a game" when they're winning?
·Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 180kpm when you legally can't go that fast on any road?
·How can you hear yourself think?
·If you had x-ray vision, but closed your eyes, could you still see?
·If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
·When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
·If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
·If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhoea does that mean the fifth one enjoys it?
·If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
·Why is a square meal served on round plates?
·Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up 10 times every hour?
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Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.
"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbours will talk if I let you stay in my house."
"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light."
The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.
But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.
He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?"
"Yes, I do." said Bob "
"Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?"
"Well, um, yes," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out, "I have to admit that I did."
"And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?"
Bob's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did." "Why do you ask?"
"She just died and left me everything."
And you thought the ending would be different, didn't you?
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Little Johnny's father noticed that Johnny was spending way too much time playing computer games. In an effort to motivate Little Johnny into focusing more attention on his schoolwork, his father said, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."
Little Johnny replied, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was The President of the United States."
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·Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
·If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
·Can you cry under water?
·If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
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Fifty years old
Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 50+-year-old husband?
A: Tell him you're pregnant.
Q: Where do 50+-year-olds look for fashionable glasses?
A: Their foreheads.
Q: What is the most common remark made by 50+-year-olds when they enter antique stores?
A: "I remember these".
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A man is sitting at the bar in his local tavern, furiously imbibing shots of whiskey. One of his friends happens to come into the bar and sees him.
"Lou," says the shocked friend, "what are you doing? I've known you for over fifteen years, and I've never seen you take a drink before. What's going on?"
Without even taking his eyes off his newly filled shot glass, the man replies, "My wife just ran off with my best friend."
He then throws back another shot of whiskey in one gulp.
"But," says the other man, "I'm your best friend!"
The man turns to his friend, looks at him through bloodshot eyes, smiles, and then slurs, "Not anymore! He is!"
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A striking blonde woman walks into a store. Curious about a shiny object behind the counter, she asks, "What is that?"
The helpful store clerk responds, "Why, it's a thermos."
Still curious, the blonde asks, "What does it do?"
"It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold," replies the clerk.
So she buys one....
The next day, she brings her new thermos to work with her.
Her boss, also a blonde, asks, "What's that shiny thingy?"
She replies with authority, "It's a thermos."
"Oh," says he, "And what does it do?"
"Well," says she, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
Then he asks, "So what do you have in there today?"
"Two cups of coffee and a lolly-pop."
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